I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
