1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
