Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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