Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just want nice things and good sex
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
