youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
