Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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