areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
