I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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