just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
