I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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