Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
