He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
