Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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