Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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