hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
