I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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