Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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