I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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