remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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