its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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