I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
