Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
