I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
