Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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