Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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