just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
