I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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