So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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