I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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