I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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