you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
