why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
