I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
