I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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