he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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