Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
