Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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