So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
