So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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