look no pants
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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