nut hugger
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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