After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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