i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
do nipples grow back?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
