I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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