Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
