Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
