When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Randomize
