We should be called the Road Head Warriors
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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