i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
