who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The best revenge is premature balding
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
